Author: joshthehodge

“The Lord is my refuge.” I’ve read it often in Scripture. It evokes a sense of security and assurance, but what does it really mean? What does it look like in my life?

First off, what exactly is a refuge? It is defined as “a condition of being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble.” Okay, God is not a physical bunker or building where I can lock the door and be safe from the invasive trouble or danger- so how is the Lord a refuge? Although I’m certain there are many more, here are four ways in which the Lord is my refuge.

Prayer- In prayer I find refuge from those who plot to twist my words for their own gain or cast heavy judgements from what’s spawned by my openness. But in prayer, in this place of refuge, I can speak completely and utterly free. I know, that even as I address my shortcomings and sin, that judgement is not to be feared, because I know I am forgiven. I also know that the one I am speaking to knows my heart fully, so that nothing I say can bring about new offense. And I’m being listened to fully, so my soul is at ease.

Scripture- In Scripture I find my identity to be secured. In life it seems at times that everyone and everything is trying to define me and tell me who I am. Sometimes this is very subtle, other times stark and clear. Sometimes it’s done in a professional manner, other times coarsely. It can eat away at my soul. When I am reading Scripture, however,  I am in refuge from a world that pursues claim to my identity. I read about who I am and find the reasons for my value. I find that I am defined by the grace of God alone, and here not only do I find refuge but also fortitude.

The Holy Spirit- The Holy Spirit both spiritually and physically guides me and keeps me in places of refuge. He influences my decisions to keep me from my own fallible judgements and He wills and acts in me in accordance to His good purpose to guide both my soul and body to refuge. Even when circumstances seem dangerous and worry creeps in, we must not forget that the Lord is our refuge.

Favor- Throughout Scripture we read of the Lord’s favor. It rests with his people, the righteous, who are only righteous through the judgement and mercy of the Father by the means of the Son.  “For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.” – Psalm 5:12. As God’s favor is eternally with us we can have the confidence knowing we are not alone, that He will provide deliverance from all the trouble and danger that pursues us. There is no limit to the means and extent of God’s refuge when His favor rests upon us.

In closing, there’s a theme here- a twist. It’s all about forgiveness. Prayer and Scripture is a refuge when you know you are forgiven and therefore do not fear judgement. The Holy Spirit comes to you when you ask for forgiveness. His favor rests with you when you are righteous, which can only come about through forgiveness. We see here that refuge is ultimately found in God’s forgiveness. It is up to you now. Will you pursue it?

I was venturing out of Pinnacles National Park in a landscape that I still struggle to describe. There were trees, and there were plants, but everything was extremely weary and dry. Drought, and too many days like today, with 104 degrees, had taken a toll on the landscape. I was fortunate to get my hiking done very early in the morning, before the sun came out to scorch. Everything around me was so thirsty. Stream beds were dried up, bridges that once passed over water passed over rock and dust, and adorning all park structures were signs warning of extreme fire danger.

Despite its conditions, the park was fascinating with enormous volcanic boulders to crawl and climb under and around. Also, no one was there. The heat and threat of fire was probably enough to keep most visitors away and allow me to have the park to myself.

The plan now was to drive to Los Angeles, a seven hour journey to the great Pacific coast and the energy of the city. This was a change from my original plan. I had been set on visiting San Francisco, staying in a hostel, and visiting the Walt Disney Family Museum, but for the past four days I had been plagued with an uncanny feeling- a strange uncomfortableness with my plan. I would be out hiking, enjoying the wonders of nature, and then my mind would wander off to my San Francisco plan, and I would began to question if I should follow through. At night I would study my road atlas, trying to find good reason to change the course of my journey. I really found no legitimate reason to all my hesitancy, and that perhaps is what troubled me the most. I had done my research. I had made my plans and reservations. On the surface everything was in order, but this hesitation would not leave me. So after four days of wrestling with my decisions, I changed my plan. My reason for this was not a very logical one, but rather based seemingly on intuition. Later I would discover there was something much greater behind these feelings than my own intuition.

Thirty miles removed from Pinnacles National Park I still hadn’t seen anything noteworthy, just the peculiar desert-like landscape and an occasional tumbleweed, but then finally the first sign of life-  a mother and what appeared to be her daughter waving on the side of the road next to their car. They obviously needed help, but I continued on driving. I had a new plan to follow, and I knew the trip to Los Angeles would be a long one. Then suddenly my mind was prompted to recall my canyons and my most sprawling canyon of all: selfishness. I knew in that moment I needed to let light into my canyon of selfishness. I needed to turn around and help these people. I felt convicted.

I turned around and drove back to these people. I rolled down my window, and they immediately started speaking in Spanish. Not a problem. I speak Spanish. They told me that they ran out of gas. “Have you called anyone for help?” I asked. They informed me there was no phone service in the area. We were in the middle of nowhere. I had never run into this sort of situation before. How does it work? Are they trying to trick me into something? How do I help them?  Well, I guess I need to drive to the nearest town and bring them back some gas. “I’ll go and get you gas. Wait for me. I will return,” I told them.

I searched my gps for the nearest gas station and the screen displayed a forty mile distance to the nearest one. Forty miles there and back would certainly put me behind on my journey, but I knew that I needed to help these people. This moment was actually a pinnacle and pivotal moment in my summer.

On my way to the nearest gas station I was overcome with the most joyous and fulfilling emotions as I put the puzzles of the past few days together. There was a reason for everything. There was a reason I was plagued with uncanny feelings about going to San Francisco. There was a reason why I changed my plan. There was a reason why I decided to head to Los Angeles instead San Francisco. If I didn’t have those feelings, if I didn’t change my plans, if I wasn’t on my way to Los Angeles, these people would be stranded and at the mercy of the desert in the 104 degrees. But random events and purposeless intuition were not the reasons for all of this coming together. I knew this was orchestrated and that’s what filled me with this joy.  We could say this all started weeks before in Canyonlands National Park, when God made me aware of the canyons in my own life and the profoundness of my selfishness. Being aware of my selfishness made me more sensitive to my actions and the need for change. The hesitation about going to San Francisco was not solely my intuition, but rather the Holy Spirit alive and at work in me, prompting me and guiding me to this moment.

While I could have felt burdened by my own obligation to goodwill, rather I felt extremely blessed. Because this moment was verification for me that God has been and is working in me. I felt so humbled yet empowered to be a part of God’s plan. I felt so purposeful.

After my drive, which was more like a rocket ship ride of emotions, my gps led me to an abandoned factory, but there was a gas station in front. I pulled up to the pump, only to notice that this gas station too was part of the ghost town. I drove a little further and rolled into a small McFarland style town with a gas station and people selling tacos on the side of the road. I went inside to the convenient store of the gas station to explain my situation. They informed me that they didn’t have gas cans. I left and found an auto body shop. I filled up a gas can and bought some water to take back to these stranded acquaintances.

On the drive back, I was at first concerned that these people wouldn’t be there, and all of these feelings of purpose and pieces coming together would actually prove false, but I came to the conclusion that this would still be very meaningful and worth my time. I knew that what I was doing was actually an act of worship. I was getting gas for God, considering him in the least of these. I’m entertained with the thought that the high church could list fanciful things to bring before the altar of God, but I would bring my gas can to God, and it would be very meaningful.

Despite my speculation, they were still there and extremely thankful when I poured gas into their car. “Muchisimas gracias,” they told me. It wasn’t just convenient that I could communicate to these people in Spanish. I knew this was on purpose, and there was something important I needed to communicate to them. I told them, in all sincerity, “don’t thank me, thank God, because He put me in your path.” They agreed with me and said in Spanish, “thanks be to God.” I gave them the bottles of water. They insisted on paying me, and then they took off, and that was that. I stood alone in the desert next to my car with a feeling of fulfillment and a smile on my face. Life is beautiful, I thought.

I know these people may feel blessed to have received my help, but really I feel more blessed to have helped them, knowing that God was working through me and brought meaning and fulfillment to all my feelings and changed plans.

I share this story not to brag on anything I have done, but rather to bring glory to God. I just find it so awesome how God coordinates to provide.  I also think this story serves as an example of how the Holy Spirit may work in one’s life. Next time you have hesitation about something without good reason, I say stop, pray, and be still. These feelings may not be plain intuition or a bothersome anxiety, maybe these feelings are not bad at all, but rather the Holy Spirit  prompting you. Listen. Just listen. Don’t get caught up in your emotions, but listen for purpose. Maybe God is trying to put you on the path of someone to help. If you haven’t invited God into your life and are struggling to find purpose and meaning, it is in Him that you find it. Reach out to him. His spirit wills and acts in his people to fulfill His purpose and fill your life with meaning, even in the simplest of things.

 

I looked down over an expanse and saw a whole different world. Perched on its edge, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I would explore its grand expanse and profound depths. For now, the vista in front of me was so massive and colorful that my mind couldn’t take it all in, but I could admire the thousand shades of color, from rich red, to golden orange, pale brown, and deep purple. I entertained thoughts concerning the world below me, all the different nooks and crannies, all the different river ways, and the solitary towers of rock leaving islands in the sky. I could conjure up stories of adventure in the depths and speculate the history of people living in and passing through the narrows. Canyons are rich for the imagination and profound for inspiration.

At just around sunset I started this hike along the canyon rim at Canyonlands National Park. It had been a full day of hiking many trails and covering many miles. I felt accomplished, but I was getting tired and I wanted time to wind down, so just a leisurely stroll along the canyon rim at sunset seemed perfect.

When I go hiking I always end up taking away more than I can imagine, nothing physical, but rather inspiration, reassurance, and healing. Nature has a way of bringing about these things, and I’ve lived enough life to know that nature itself is not some mystical magical entity, but rather I believe nature is a creation designed purposefully to appeal to man and take him to depths of self actualization and to intimacy with God.  Often times when I go hiking alone, I find it to be the perfect time to pause, reflect, and just be in the presence of God. Out in the solace of His natural beauty, its sometimes easier to hear God speak. I have seen this evident in my own life in many instances, God uses natural beauty to speak to me. The rocks, the trees, the towering mountains, and canyon depths are designed to have meaning. They are symbols.

As I was was hiking along that rim, I was reflecting on my life, trying to pinpoint where exactly in my life I was feeling a corrosive emptiness and deficit, despite my fleeting feelings of accomplishment. I was pouring out to God this discontentment, and feeling of inadequacy. This was something that had plagued me for a while. I felt I was just not doing something right, that I wasn’t living up to my potential, and that my character was lacking something.

While I was feeling these heavy emotions, the sun was hidden behind a cloud and therefore the  countless canyons of Canyonlands were dark, mysterious, and seemingly bottomless. Lines separating the sections of the canyon were blurred from lack of sunlight. In this moment, suddenly it hit me, the realization that my own life has a number of canyons- deep and dark places where light just doesn’t shine, where the lines are blurred. I wasn’t sure exactly what those canyons were and what was the cause of them, but I knew there were dark places in my life where lines that separate truth from lies had been blurred, places that were corrosive that continued to grow deeper and darker. I asked God to show me the canyons in my life.

Canyons are very interesting things in relation to life. They are cavities in the earth’s surface caused by erosion over time. They are huge but can begin forming by something so simple as just a crack. Water eats away and erodes the trivial into something massive. However other times the impetus for formation is the land itself shifting as plates collide and move. And so the dark places in our lives can form very much like canyons. They may start as something trivial on the surface, a seemingly harmless sin, which over time can erode a person’s life. Sometimes those cracks we aren’t even responsible for, but they are caused by the abuse of others which start to erode our very being. Other times these canyons are formed by major life events, with loss or dramatic changes, when we feel the earth is pulled right out from under us.

As I was reflecting on canyons and their relevance to life, inspired by all the metaphors I could apply to life, suddenly the sun broke through an opening in the clouds. Beams of warm yellow light shot down and reached a number of canyons. The beams of light were situated at just the right angle that they illuminated the deepest canyons. And just like that a number of dark and dreary canyons became strikingly beautiful and awesome, no longer dreary and dark but rich in color and light.

At this moment God spoke to me, not in any audible voice but rather more directly, right to my soul. He told me that he can take the canyons in my life and turn them into something beautiful. Tears began to roll down my face in response to the beautiful parallels God was making and hearing His voice, which had seemed absent in my life for quite some time.

My first response was thankfulness, thankful that God met me here, literally out wandering in the desert. Secondly, I began searching my life for canyons. That evening I wasn’t sure of the canyons in my life, but I was ready to face them. I was inspired to seek change in my life and let God illuminate those dark places in my life.

This was a couple months ago when this happened. I have been able to identify some canyons in my life. I know one of my most profound canyons is selfishness, which is a complex and sprawling canyon.  I am still on a quest to find the rest of my canyons, confront them, and let God’s light transform them into something beautiful. I love how God is transformative and resourceful. He doesn’t let bad experiences and choices in life exist without redemption. God uses the dark places in our lives and illuminates them to bring him glory and fulfill his purpose.

If you are reading this I encourage you to take a hike out in nature and talk to God and ask him to show you your own canyons. I am uncertain of all my canyons, but I know God will lead me to them, and he can lead you to yours too.

I encourage you to try this whether you have faith in God or not. Just go out in nature and reflect on the places in life you need to work on to be a better you- the “canyons”. I pray that on your quest to find your canyons that you encounter God, because I’m telling you, there’s nothing more powerful.